The Mom Guilt is REAL

"Mama, you are exactly what your child needs. Don't ever doubt that. Not even for a second. Not even through a quarantine." - Michelle Merenda

Roman's first smile at six weeks old. This would be the moment I started to "feel" love for my baby, and not exhaustion.

Before kids, I used to hear moms talk about the guilt they felt for doing something, or taking time for themselves, and I thought "How dumb." Now, I know it's REAL.

It's not just the guilt I feel from not always being home, or getting a manicure, instead my mom guilt comes from over protecting Roman, when maybe I shouldn't have. In the moment it felt like the right decision, but now, I'm not so sure.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” -Rajneesh

Roman just hours old.

When my first son, Roman, was born it was February 2020, two weeks before the world shutdown because of COVID. My anxiety already through the roof being a first time mom and being totally clueless, but the thought of a killer virus taking my baby from me, was almost too much to bear.

The Mama Bear in Me.

I was so protective, it shocked me. Like I've said before, having kids wasn't something I dreamed of doing. It wasn't something to be honest, I thought I'd ever do.

But once I did, it's like the mama bear in me just exploded. I couldn't stop trying to keep Roman safe from everything, especially COVID.

“A mama bear will stand between her child and an entire army, fighting with every breath, every ounce of energy she has within her to make sure they are safe. - Kayla Runkell

I made sure my hands were clean, to the point where I washed them so much they bled. I made sure ANYONE who wanted to see my sweet boy, wore a mask, including my own mother. We didn't take him ANYWHERE. In fact, he stayed in the house with us at all times. We sheltered him to protect him, but now I question the decision we made.

Enough is Enough.

After isolating my son for two years, we started taking him out here and there. It was then we realized, something was wrong. I knew he was delayed, but I don't think I realized how much he was delayed until we saw others kid out and saw their reaction compared to his.

It wasn't until recently that I heard my husband say out loud he thought we sheltered him too much. That maybe we went a little too far. Not too far in the beginning because we didn't know enough about COVID, but too far for too long. He admitted a part of him worried the way our son was, was our fault. That, about broke my heart. My husband is the kindest most caring person I know, but he's also strong and not a man of many words. So when he speaks, I listen. And when he talks about his feelings, I listen even harder.

I can't count how many tears I've shed because of the guilt I've felt. The fear I feel. The confusion. The worry. But, one thing I do know, is I will fight to make sure my son has everything he needs to be successful. That I promise, until my last breath.

Connect with me!

Please, feel free to reach out to me on social or email. I would love to hear your stories, share your stories on this platform, but also do the research and ask experts what we can do to give our kids the best future possible.